for a time such as this...

insomnia. it isn't uncommon. it isn't fun...and honestly most of the time it makes me MAD!! when i'm lying there in the dark, next to my quietly snoring spouse, and not so quietly snoring dogs....well...it gets me going. at first, i might take a moment to check on the kids, go pee, make mental notes about things that need to get done....but then what?! i twist, i turn, i rearrange...nada!! then the clock checking begins....ugh! only three more hours until the kids get up, only two and a half, and so on and so forth.....
it wasn't until a recent bible study on esther that i was able to see this (what i considered) ailment in a different light. beth moore posed the question, "what if God is trying to have some quiet time with you?" hmmm...well couldn't he do that at 2 in the afternoon, i joked? but the truth is, in my overly scheduled life i had put God (like everyone else) in a time slot, and even though i was reasonably good about keeping that appointment, sometimes He knew our relationship required a little extra attention. so over the last few months i have been looking at my aforementioned insomnia with a new set of eyes. instead of angrily fuming from 2am to 5am....i quietly, ask God to reveal himself to me when i am confused. i humbly, ask God to hold my hand when i am afraid. and sometimes...just sometimes...i just listen. what a concept, huh?! i know this blog is supposed to be about our family, our lives, our adventures...and trust me...it will be, with plenty of great stories and pics. but it is also a record that i am keeping for my children. a memoir of sorts, as to how their mother was not perfect (something i feel all too many blogs portray) but how i struggled, cried, laughed, loved, and continued to search and learn for the path that God intended for me....for us....as a family.